Downsizing a parent's Tulsa home: a 60-day plan

Your parent is moving to a smaller place: an apartment, assisted living, or a room near family. The decision is made. Now a house full of fifty years of living has to fit into a few rooms, and someone has to plan it.

This guide is a 60-day plan for doing that in Tulsa without rushing your parent or losing anything important. It is part of our guides to choosing care, and it pairs with our guide to assisted living and nursing homes. We're not attorneys, and your attorney has the final word on the legal steps.

Before day one: who decides, and what can't move yet

Downsizing goes best when your parent makes every choice they still can. It's their house and their things. Ask what matters most to them before anyone opens a closet. Some parents want to give things away themselves, and that can be the best part of the whole move.

Settle three questions before the sorting starts:

• Who can sign? If your parent can't manage paperwork anymore, someone with legal authority, such as an agent under a power of attorney, may need to sign leases, contracts, and later any deed.
• Will SoonerCare come into the picture? If your parent may need SoonerCare, Oklahoma's Medicaid program, within the next few years, gifts and below-value sales can count against them under a look-back period that is generally five years. That covers the house and valuable items, not the everyday contents. Our guide to SoonerCare and the house explains more.
• What happens to the house? You don't have to decide yet. Just agree that nobody moves the deed or promises the house to anyone until you've talked to an elder law attorney.

Days 1–15: measure the new place and gather the papers

Start with the new home, not the old one. Get a floor plan or measure each room. Ask the community what's provided, what's allowed, and what isn't. Many don't allow certain appliances or space heaters, and some limit how much furniture fits in a room.

Then sketch where your parent's favorite chair, bed, and dresser will go. That one drawing settles a lot of arguments later. If it doesn't fit on the plan, it doesn't go.

While you're measuring, gather the important papers into one box that travels with a family member, not the movers:

• The deed, mortgage or reverse mortgage statements, and the latest tax bill.
• Wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and health care directives.
• Insurance policies for the house, health, and life.
• Bank, retirement, and benefit statements.
• Car titles, military discharge papers, and the birth and marriage certificates.

Look in the places people forget: freezers, books, coat pockets, and the backs of drawers. Cash and papers turn up there more than you'd think.

Days 16–30: decide what stays, what goes, and where

Sort one room at a time, starting with the rooms your parent uses least. A garage or spare bedroom is easier than the kitchen. Use four piles:

1. Moving with your parent. Only what fits the floor plan, plus the photos and keepsakes that make a new place feel like home.
2. Going to family. Ask each person to name what they want. Write it down so nobody is surprised later. Treat valuable items with the SoonerCare caution above.
3. To sell. Furniture, tools, and collections may be worth an estate sale. Our guide to estate sales and cleanouts covers what companies charge and what to ask.
4. To donate or discard. Charities take a lot, but call ahead. Many won't take mattresses, old electronics, or worn upholstered furniture.

Don't throw away anything with your parent's name, account numbers, or Social Security number on it. Shred it. Take old medicines to a pharmacy or a drug take-back site instead of the trash.

Days 31–45: the move

Book movers early. Ask for a written estimate and whether they have moved older adults into assisted living before. Some families hire a senior move manager, a company that plans the sorting, packing, and setup for older adults. Ask for references from families they've moved in the last year.

On moving day, set up the new place first, before your parent arrives if you can. Make the bed, hang familiar pictures, and put the chair where it was on the plan. A parent who walks into a room that already looks like theirs settles in faster.

Change the mailing address, and tell your parent's bank, pharmacy, doctors, and Social Security. Keep one family member as the contact for the old house.

Days 46–60: the empty house

Now the house is empty, or close to it, and it still costs money every month: taxes, insurance, utilities, and lawn care. Take these steps in the first two weeks:

• Call the insurance agent. Many policies change once a house sits vacant, often after 60 days. Our guide to insuring an empty house explains what to ask.
• Ask the county assessor about the homestead exemption. Ask the Tulsa County Assessor whether the homestead exemption and any senior valuation freeze stay on the house after your parent moves out.
• Keep it looking lived in. Leave some utilities on, keep the yard cut, and have someone check the house each week.

Then decide what the house should do. Families keep it, rent it, list it, or sell it as-is. Our guide to paying for care walks through each choice. If SoonerCare may be needed, sale money counts as your parent's asset, so talk to the elder law attorney before you sell.

There's a tax point worth knowing too. A homeowner can usually leave up to $250,000 of gain on a home sale untaxed, or $500,000 for a married couple, after owning and living in the home two of the last five years. If your parent lived there at least 12 months of the last five and then moved to a licensed care facility because they couldn't care for themselves, the time in the facility counts toward the two years. Ask a tax preparer how that applies to your parent.

Where we fit

Our part is the house. We coordinate the move-out and cleanout, and our cleanout and repair costs come back at closing, not up front. If your parent can't come back to the house or to a closing, we have coordinated access and signatures remotely for a family member living in a care facility.

If you sell, Bucky can list the house as a licensed Oklahoma Realtor through Waypoint Realty, or KRE Group can make a direct as-is offer. You can see what each option would net first. Call or text (918) 317-2874 with any question. If your family already has a plan, that's fine. We're not asking you to sell anything.